If...

If God allowed us to turn back time, where would you like to be? When I was younger, I used to want such an opportunity in my life. It was always about wanting to go back in time, and to remedy the situation. It was never about forging ahead, improving and mending what I have spoiled and see that having scars was part of the journey we are taking. It is alright to have bandages here and there, as long as we see these as experiences that mold us into better, stronger individuals.

Now I am older - 41 years old, to be exact. Not as pretty as I used to be also. But there were times when I was young that I find myself ugly because the person inside hasn't blossomed into a butterfly. Yes, I didn't have wrinkles then, yes, I wasn't pudgy then, and yes, I could wear a size 24 jeans and it will still drop to the ground, but there was something lacking inside and now, I think I am slowly filling up the empty spot.

I wish someone told me when I was younger that these things take time to develop and that experience will make us stronger, better persons. There were times when I hung out with the wrong crowd, the wrong people, and because I felt so lacking in confidence and they were full of themselves, I allowed them to dictate my life. I thought that was the way to go, but it is not.

When I see of young girls hanging out with boys who treat them badly, I want so much to reach out to them and tell them that the way they are being treated is not right. I have got a very wise niece who believes that 'good things happen to those who wait', and she trudges on to achieve her dream, works hard on her homework and studies, is a darling and an inspiration to her smaller cousins, and prays without fail to the one God she believes in. I like her. I like her way. Young as she might be from me, I find that I too am inspired by her.

Unfortunately, I know all too well that not many young girls out there feel 'right' about waiting because they lack the confidence and trust to the one they should put all their trust to that live can be alright even without that 'boy of their dream'. Too many women out there keep on sticking to a marriage or relationship where they get beaten black and blue, too, thinking they have no other place to go to. But there are always some place you can go to. You can go home to your parents home. You can go to your siblings. Stay with them until you are able to stand on your own feet and care for your kids (if you have any).

I definitely look at things differently now, than I did when I was in my teens. Good looks no longer make me turn to look twice. Well, sometimes it does, but the moment a person utters something, I basically know if I want to hang around that person or not. If someone treats me badly, I walk away.  And I relay these same messages to my kids.

Basically, I don't have any 'if's' in my life anymore. Things happen for a reason and we have to accept that and move on. My mother died because she was utterly ill. My dad died after falling from the ladder and suffering from brain hemorrhage. I don't know if they could be saved if I have done some things differently, and I don't care to find out anymore, knowing full well that I have done my best with regards to my mom. I have no regrets. I don't think she has any question in her mind that I loved her, and I feel that is the most important thing.

I hope to do the same for my kids. That they know their place in my heart. That they know where we are, all four of us together, that is home. I hope I relay the same message to the people I care for too. That they know their place in my heart. That I won't play around with their emotions. That is how I would like others to treat me, and how I think I should treat others.